I don't know how to feel
by DrunaShipper
Summary: Draco Malfoy is changing: his world is becoming increasingly dangerous, being taken over by the Dark Lord and the family loyalties that keep him tied. Does he have the heart and the strength to reach out to Luna Lovegood?


And before he could stop himself, he began to search for her among the carriages and the swarms of students. Attempting subtlety in the presence of his Slytherin minions, his eyes skimmed the crowds for the small, blonde embodiment of peace.

Blaise called his name from a compartment two doors down, "Draco! In here, this one's free." Draco turned in the direction of the voice just as a tiny red-headed first-year was pushed roughly from the carriage. Rubbing his bruised arm, the small boy sniffed and made to find another carriage. As he walked past, Draco saw that he was trying not to cry. He didn't want to join the people who had made that happen- the people who were infamous at Hogwarts for being the bad ones, the bullies, the only ones with links to the Dark Lord.

He watched as the other students joined their friends up and down the train- laughing, joking, smiling. There were so happy, so light… Draco breathed deeply, steadying himself against the side. He knew that going back to Hogwarts was only to keep him safe, safe from the home he used to know, the home that was now under the control of the Dark Lord.

"Draco!" This time it was Pansy who called him, "Draco, what are you doing? Look, we're down here." She took hold of his arm and tried to lead him to the carriage. Rage flared in Draco and in a flash he violently shrugged her off, glaring at her, with a face contorted in frustration. "I'll be there in a minute!" He shouted. After a few seconds of shock, Pansy straightened herself up, and frowning, retorted, "Fine." With that she turned her back on him and flounced back to the carriage. Draco felt a twinge of guilt from snapping at her as she was, after all, one of the very few people who'd stuck with him.

Pushing the feeling away, Draco took a tentative step forward down the passage, which was now quite deserted after everyone had found their seats. He continued to walk through the narrow passage until he came to the next carriage, a door closing it off. He reached out to turn the handle but stopped suddenly, as he realised someone else on the other side had aleady begun to do so. And as the door opened slowly, his breath caught sharply in his throat as a girl's form came into view. The girl he had been looking for, the girl whom all through his second, third and fourth years had listened to him, comforted him, been his secret friend.

She was wearing the most bizarre spectacles Draco had ever seen, staring up at the ceiling as though in a stupour, and as her hand reached up to remove them, her eyes came to focus on him. A wide smile broke over her lovely face and she titled her head in fondness. "Hello Draco," she said in the most calming dreamy tone, "Are you looking for a carriage too? I'm afraid they're all taken up there, I've asked you see. I did see some free seats but I was told they were taken too. That was confusing at first, but then I realised their heads must be full of Wrackspurts." She had leaned forward to tell Draco this last piece of information, as though it was something she felt she had to keep hushed. Draco knew that they just hadn't wanted Loony Lovegood sitting in their carriage, but he hadn't the heart to tell her. Draco couldn't speak, the mere sight of her had stopped his ability to talk, and hearing her faraway voice had made him almost dizzy with longing for her happy company. She smiled dreamily up at him, her light blue eyes skimming over his face. "You look tired," she observed, "Wrackspurts…Do you want to look for a carriage? Maybe you should sleep before we arrive." Mentally shaking himself, Draco opened his mouth to reply, but was cut short as a high-pitched voice suddenly cut through the air.

"Draco! Seriously what are you doing? We're all waiting for you! Blaise has just told us something you need to hear-"

Suddeny Pansy's eyes fell on Luna, only just noticing her standing behind Draco, a copy of the Quibbler under her arm and her large pink spectacles clasped in her hand. Luna was swaying slightly, left to right, a polite smile on her face, waiting while Pansy spoke. "What's she doing with you?" Pansy asked suspiciously, her eyes narrowing in on Luna standing innocently by Draco's side.

"N-nothing." Draco stammered, turning to look at Pansy and back at Luna. "Just Loony Lovegood trying to sell me a copy of her stupid father's insufferable trash."

Pansy's suspicion was erased instantly with this remark and she smirked nastily, "Well come one then, shake her off and come listen to Blaise." She turned and went back to her carriage.

Draco watched her go before turning back to Luna, expecting to see the usual dreamy half-smile and her kind eyes. But the sight that met him almost caused his heart to stop. Luna's face had gone pale, her smile had fallen and her usually light blue eyes were now grey, clouding over with something he'd never seen in her before: anger.

"Daddy does not sell trash." She whispered, looking Draco straight in the eyes. His face flushed with shame, tainting his cheeks rouge as he clenched his fists at his side. A voice in his head screamed at him to apologise, say he hadn't meant it, anything to make the painful look on her pure face go away. But instead, Draco's default self-preservation took over, and before he could stop himself he replied, "You'd better watch it Loony, selling those things will get you in trouble one day, in trouble with the wrong sort of people to cross. So send them back to your blood-traitor father and stop drawing so much attention to yourself."

Draco immediately whipped round and walked briskly to his carriage, but just before he closed the door he glanced back at Luna.

She had watched him walk all the way back, and as his eyes met hers, she dropped her gaze to the floor and turned away.


End file.
